Oh Man!!! itsw been a wee bit!!!

Okay Kids!! i'm gonna try to keep this as short as possible, but it's been a while and much has happened!
Had teh baby shower!! it was amazing!! Sooooo many ppl there!! i could barely move by the end of it! thank you sooo much to everyone who sent gifts and came as well!! we loved it all!!!
PS. Tiff we put the stroller together!!! i luv it!!! it's not going anywher! It's almost too cute to take outside! lol.
If you want to see pictures fo to babybumblebee.shutterfly.com I think that's the site address.
So the events that have occurred over the past few weeks have been quite entertaining...
Still in the hospital twice a week for non stress tests... so far so good..only one scare.
The lovely little monster decided to play with his imbillical cord and cut off his blood supply!... He only did that once!
scared teh shit out of all of us... if he hadn't been moving like a fiend in the ultrasound i would have had a c-section immediately!
so taht was that visit... all the other ones have been great! The only issue is that i have contractions when i have to pee....

Like i said in the last post,...my body hates.
Other than that i was just put on restricted work hours... i can only work 5 hours a day. for 5 days... nice!!! pay cut... not so nice!!!
i have early signs of preeclampsia....go me! on top of the doc said i was measuring big for my measly 36 weeks... and then at lunch... we went to arbies... ( i had a cheese craving..yumm!!) the stupid bitch taking our order asked if i was only having one.... implying that i am big enough for 2 babies! thank you very much, i think we can declare this "lets all call lynnsey fat" day!!!
So newho im the only one without a phone call right now... which mean i will get the last one of the night and have to stay after... i will hopefully have time to finish this tomorrow...

Oh Boy!! My Body Hates Me!!!

Soooo friends!! i have been away for a bit! partially due to the holiday weekend. but newho! Boy! has this been a rough couple of days!!! and i don't anticipate it getting any better!

So to start off, me and mom got a ton done for the shower! we spent a good portion of the weekend with justins mom and got all the decorations and goodie bags done! all thats left is to decorate and bake a bajillion cookies and cupcakes!

Oh and for your veiwing pleasure my sister has pix on her website. Click on the family and freinds tab and they are all there!! every inch of the 40 pounds i have gained the past 7 months!! and a few of my evil nemisis (aka JW).

NEwho so back to my eventfull last 2 days. Now just so i don't scare everyone i would like to start by saying everything is fine... for now... they baby is good and im okay!

So i had my check up yesterday morning. it was gross and humid so of course i'm sweating my as off! everything i thot started out good they weighed me (i only gained one pound this month!! woo yeah me!) took my blood pressure... didn't say anything about that so i thot okay! easy breezy! they wanted more blood, as those blood sucking vampires we call doctors always do! 3 vials everytime!! sometimes 6!
well the doctor somes in and she's got that concerned look on her face... never a good sign... i told her about my back paina nd nausea and my lack of appetite! and we all know i love to eat!
So along withthe high blood pressure and all the above mentioned factors i was told to take it easy and fill up another bright orange biohazard jug with pee!!! oh! boy!! what fun...
you know its bad when for the second time your doctor is asking you to fill up a jug with24 hours worth of piss and refridgerate it!!! yes, it must be refridgerated!! i felt like a serial killer collecting trophys from my latest victims... and storing them in my fridge..disgusting... bleh!
So i go into work and let them know that i will not be bringing a bright orange biohazard jar full of pee into the building and i need the day off and part of tomorro (which is now today, keep up ppl's) cuz i am also scheduled for a non-stress test!! woot... can you taste the excitement...

I am not cool with this...

So i can't sleep for shit last night... every little twinge of discomfort i have i am that much closer to going to the hopsital.. only to soon realize that the 8 bottles of water and 2 pops i chugged have more than exceeded my bladders comfort zone...

so i make it throught he night and head to drop off my jug, be poked with more and more needles and then on to my stress test.

The nurse couldn't find the vein so after extensive digging and then a go on my other arm she got her tiny vial of blood...

so i get in pretty to my stress test... which believe it or not.. not that stressfull... they strap sum goop covered heart monitors to my stretch mark covered stomach! (Jay says i look like i painted a tiger around my belly button. THat ho!!) and listen for a bit... the product of two already stubborn ppl, big surprise didn't want to wake up! so they had to buzz my stomach to wake the wee one up! not cool! so he starts moving and kicking and 3 glasses of water later she wants me to pee in another cup... i am a pro at the art that is pissing in tiny cups and not getting it all over your hand... pretty easy for a guy but for a chick who is about ready to give up on shaving her legs because her stomach is constistantly in the way... not an easy task!
So anywho the doc comes in and asks me if i am feeling the CONTRACTIONS that i'm having every 2-4 minutes... i look at her like WTF... no!!! so she waits a bit and comes in and asks if i'm feeling a tightening sensation in my hoooha area.. i said yeah! but after 5 glasses of water i gotta pee like a bitch!! and so this conversation repeated itself about 3 seperate times.

SO because i only have 5 minutes left till i can run out of here... long long story shortened a tad lol!

THey baby is fine! the baby is in great shape! i saw his toes!! lol and his very large head!!! kind of scary lol..im not leaking anything im not dialated and the contractions aren't an issue unless i get them more than 4 times in one hour when i don't have to pee!

Now i've known my uterus has pretty much had it out for me since i was given my lovely monthly gift at age 11! on the day of our first volleyball game at school!!!

the baby was not an issue at all for any of this... the doc put it sumwhat like "your uterus is not calm" my uterus is a raging sack of hormones... it hates me!! so now i have 2 visits to the hospital a week for these non-stress tests and once a week doctors visits...

Weebles Wobble But They Don't Fall Down!!!!

Oh My!!! so today is no fun... i believe i have caught a cold! or my tonsilitus is coming back... i have already had it twice this year i'm due for one more go.. i was kind of hoping it woul dmake it's appearance while i was on maternity leave and could consume mass quantities of antibiotics... but with how fucked up the weather has been, it's no surprise that it has struck again....

This whole tonsil thing is usually no big deal...the doctor i have now is quite good at listening to me when i say i need more potent drugs. i asked for a steriod and anitibiotic shot.. i got 2 shots! it was great! i didn't get the whole well let's take these pills for a week and see what happens crap! i know my body i know what's gonna work and what isn't... i have been taking adult antibiotics since i was 6! the dinky shit you prescribe to every average joe is only goining to make this worse! in fact! the virus feeds off of that shit! it thinks it's food!

so i'm sitting here wondering what to do... call my OB or not... she'll definately want me to come in which means they will want money that i owe them.. which i don't have...an i will be in there next monday for a checkup... however whne i left the last appointment she said that if i'm at all feeling sick i should call immediately...at this point i'm pretty sure i am getting sick.. but ther is a little twinge that says "nope! its just prego shit" i think i will wait to see how i am tomorrow... if i still feel like shit.. i will go...

So work is almost done with...and since pretty much all my posts are negative and bitchy i will leave you all with lovely thanksgiving e-mial off of awkwardfamilyphotos.com
Only one of the most entertaing websites known to man! check it out if you get board! the pix on there are hilarious!
This email was posted on the site, it did not come from anyone in my family! lol
:


Awkward Family Story: The Thanksgiving Letter
From: Marney
As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.
Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders. I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.
All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.
HJB—Dinner wine
The Mike Byron Family1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don’t feel like you a have to feed an army.2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don’t care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).3. Toppings for the ice cream.4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.
The Bob Byron Family1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up.2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22).
The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors d’ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).
The Michelle Bobble Family1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat.2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon3. Proscuitto pin wheel - please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.4. A pie knife
The June Davis Family1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed.2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnay
The Amy Misto Family (why do I even bother she will never read this)1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed.2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.
Looking forward to the 28th!!
Marney

FAT COWS!!!!

Oh boy! i'm on a roll.. seconde update in 2 days!...
Just an FYI i told my mom that we must take pictures this weekend and get them on the internet! i have put it off for too long... i had every intention of doing it last weekend, i even brang my makeup home with me... and i haven't worn makeup in months!!!! its quite frightening! Soooo... i won't promise anything but i have every intention of getting photos up here!
I must say that was qutie a mental breakdown yesterday... kind of lost it there for a bit. but after a very nasty mysapce status, angry red face and all i did get a message sent. although i am a bit curious as to how he might be getting on the internet. His phone doesn't work and he said that monicas should be turned on tomorrow. well dear, Monicas already got status messages up saying that her phone is back on. but if he is under the impression that monicas phone is not on how is he getting on myspace?? that would be the big question of the day!
(and i yes i know this seems a tad stalkerish, but its not... i was a detective in a former life... those kind of skills don't ever leave you!)
where exactly is he going or who exactly is coming over. obviously someone comfortable enought to let him use their phone. and it was in the middle of the night cuz i didn't go to be until 11:30 and i was on right before i went to sleep.
hhmm...lots of unanswered questions...Like the TAPS team i have some investigating to do.
I'm jsut a curious person really. my parents raised me to be comfortable asking questions and i like to think that i am quite observant, the 2 combined are a lethal combination.
but hopefully today goes by quickly... my lunch buddy swapped shifts with someone today so it's just me aand my pop tart.
They haven't let anybody leave ear;y in a few days... i kind of hope they do today... it would be nice to sleep some more...newho... it is about that time, andi have to pee... lol...Too much i know, but i go about twice and hour nowadays... its qutie exhausting!

ALL MEN ARE DICKS!

So i have titled this blog "All men are Dicks". I believe it is pretty self explanatory as to what this blog will be mostly about!
Men!! and the stupid asswhole things they do.
By now, we all know that me and justin (aka: Baby Daddy, not to be cunfused with JW, my brother) are not together... we haven't been for quite some time... it took a while to get to a point that ic ould actually talk to him without bitching at him.
Well, things have been really good lately... we've been talking and everything seemed to back to a friendly manner.
Well, Justin's phone was shut off a week and a half ago. He was nice enought ot let me know that i wouldn't be able to get a hold of him but if i needed anything i could call monica. okay. what ever... he doesn't have a job right now. not until school starts back up again. which won't be too much longer so there is no point in trying to get a job at this piont.
well i've tried to get a hold of monica and her phone was shtu off too... now i have already gone over the scenario of "what if something happens and i can't get a hold of you" but all in all it would be his fault. he didnt' have a job set up for the summer and now he's broke and has no money.
So... i have been pretty bored the past week or so cuz i don't text or call a lot of ppl. i mainly talk to justin and a select few others... well i've been really bored and calling my mom about 2-3 times aday... i'm sure she is getting annoyed. in fact i can tell she is annoyed lol...
well to shorten u p an already long story...
i was bored last night and went on myspace just to look around and i'm still waiting on a couple ppl to message me back their addresses cuz i sent some invitations out and they were returned. guess who i see on his myspace. none other than the asswipe himself. they don't have interent the only way he can get on his mysapce is on his phone. so i'm thinking... maybe he'll send me a message. i would think that since he hasn't talked to the woman carrying his son in over a week that he might be sligthly interested in how i am doing. one would think right?? well apparently i think wrong... cuz no message was sent. no comment was left. no call was made. now it's very possible that he was on sum1 else's phone or at someones house on their computer. but if your myspace is so important ot you that you find a way to check it even when your phone isn't working... i apparently am not important enough to be one of the few who is contacted in his search for internet/phone capabilities...
So, i'm a tad on the IRate side... nto pissed or mad... but IRATE!!
I'M CARRYING YOUR FUCKING SON!!! I'M ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH IN LESS THAN 2 MONTHS TO YOUR CHILD!!! and he isn't the slightest bit interested in how i might be doing??? what an asshole!!! he makes me feel like all i am is s fucking surrigate... he doesn't give a shit!!!
not even just a little bit... and part of me knew he wouldn't call but part of me thot "Well, i am carrying his child, i can't see why he wouldn't be concerned."
Nope, not one bit. he's out taking joy rides with frends and getting new tattoos and having a the fucking time of his life while i'm stuck with a roommate who annoys the shti out of me...barely any friends and a stomach and ass that won't stop getting fatter!!!! i'm all by myself...
iT MUST BE NICE TO BE ABLE TO FORGET ABOUT THE FACT THAT WE ARE ABOUT TO HAVE A CHILD TO CARE FOR, AND JSUT GO ON LIVING YOUR LIFE LIKE NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED!!! I'VE SPENT 7 MONTHS WONDERIGN WHAT THAT WOULD FEEL LIKE! YOU CUKIN PIECE OF SHIT!!!!

I Believe that i am just too tired to care at this point... i need to do laundry... i'm wearing the same pants i wore monday... and not they haven't been washed... i barely brushed my hair today after i got out of the shower and i have almost burst into tears about 3 times already this morning... i'm such a wuss... only 2 months left and i'm really not sure how i feel about it... i see the pictures of my nephew and think "god i can't wiat till Evan is that big!!" and then i look down at my belly and think "why didn't make him keep the condomn on???" it's hard to be excited and scared at the same time... i always wanted a kid... just not right now...

It will be okay...

SO i'm tired as hell, i feel gross and i just want to go pick up my ghost hunters DVD and curl up and eat ice cream the rest of the night!.

Newho it's almost time for me to go home..

Oy! sooo did i tel you guys that i finallys aw harry potter a couple weeks ago... i was quite dissapointed...it jumped around and the sotry was never complete... i'm excited that the 7th book was split into 2 movies but if they r gonna be like the 6th one... i don't want to see them!!!

Oh!!! we are filling out invites to my baby shower this weekend!! my mom's last count of invitees was 65!! it does include sum out of state ppl that unfortunately won't be able to make it... it's okay guys.. walmart has free site to store shipping and i am also registered at target!!**wink wink** i do also accept gift cards and money orders!! please be sure to spell my name right! lol j/k guys!!

hhmm not much is goin on other than that... roomies still annoying the shit out of me.. even wen she sleeps!! her litter box has been stinking up the living room since sunday!!! but she still comes home right after work and sleeps all nite!! and then bitches that she didn't get any sleep taht night.. well duh! if you sleep for 7 hours after work.. ur prolly not gonna sleep the rest of the night! she finally cleaned it out last night!! thank god... another day and i would have jsut stuck it in her room!! if i weren't pregnant i would have done that too!!! along witht the vaccuming and the dishes!! she hasn't lifted a fucking finger in weeks.. oh! wiait.. she did straighten up the coffe table... which consisted of shoving everythign under the coffee table... oh! found where all my missing cups went... they were in her car.. collecting mold! and guess who had to wash them??!!! that's right kids.. me... i just keep thinking.. only 2 months left!!! it's the ony thing that keeps me sane... god i could really use a beer right about now... and yes it is 7am right now... but as my good frend/parrot head always says.. it's 5 o'clock sumwhere... i know for a fact she is probably shitfaced right about now... she's goin to the buffett concert!! not my fave singer but he's got the irght attitude about life..."drink up bitches!!"... okay i may be paraphrasing...

let's think...fun stories.... yeah... i have no life... so there are not too many fun stories left... not for a while anyways... i think my car is about to die! i believe my transmission is going... wut fun!!!

i hope today is slow... i would love to go home erly.. i really can't afford it.. but part of me doesn't really care...hopefully this kid si nicer to me today than yesterday.. i hurt like a beast.. i was a one man walking circus yesterday... im pretty sure my ribs were used as a trapeze act and my bladder and stomach as diving board and pool!! my stomach has gotten bigger... along with my boobs... i can shoot liquid out of my nipples... i actually got sum good distance last nite.. disgusting but fascinating... but still gross... cuz if i don't try andg et sum of it out myself the minute i taek my bra off after work i have a wet spot starting to form on my shirt.. and they kind of stain... so if i do it myself it's all good... so yes i will say it... i milk myself!! it's kind of pathetic!! but it must be done!!...

other than that i really just want this kid to come out already! everyone keeps sayign jsut wait another month and u'll be so uncomfoartable!!! i'm already uncomfortable.. i cant really bend over all that well.. i can only sit 2 different ways! my feet and ankles continue to swell to the size of softballs!! and i am having the freakiest dreams u could possibly think of!!! the other nite i had one about a lovely reunion of ex boyfrends...i was still pregnant.. justin was no where to be found. and the baby starts kicking.. well you know how they say that right around your last month sumtimes you can tell if the baby is pushing on your belly with his hand or his foot.. well i notice in my dream that u can see his foot.. i grab my phone to take a video of it to show justin and i look down and my skin is stretching and the baby's foot is coming out of the side of my stomach.. all the way up to the ankle... i look closer and u can count the tiny toes... he had like 20 toes!!! i woke up after that!! it was just too freaky!!!

I realized the other night that i only have 11 weeks left!! i'm between 29 and 30 weeks right now!! and i'm massive!! tiff i will send you a pic tonite via text... my mom is jsut realizing that we really haven't taken too many photos of me while i have been pregnant... i feel like a cow so im kind of okay with just having the ones on my phone... i know its sumthing ppl usually want to document.. but i'm massive!! and i'm ony gonna get bigger!! .. but she wants to take sum.. and did i mention she has a face book!! holy shit i dont even have a face book1!!!! so i will see if i can get her to load them up this weekend..i need to go into her office neways so i can see the pix that tiff put up on her blog!! they sound funny!! i'm sure i will piss my pants with laughter!!! which we all know has ahppened before!!! i still have pix on my camera... which maybe one day i will share them with the world... as of yet.. they will reamian on my camera!!
All i keep thinking is if i jsut keep typing i will stay awake!! it's not helping... so i will be done for now... i have my usual sites to peruse..awkwardfamilyphotos.com, us weekly and people magazine... get my daily gossip in!!
later frends!!